Thursday, December 9, 2010

This is called "Bangor News" after all

The following is an example of local news and small town legislation at its finest. This succinct article belabors its two points, which is that Police Chief Kerr has been suspended for 30 days without pay (NEWS) and that they're not telling us why ( a different kind of NEWS).
And they say there are no secrets in small towns.

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/slate-belt/index.ssf/2010/12/bangor_police_chief_glenn_kerr.html

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Someone's reading Ayn Rand

I cast aside my novel- silly bourgeois habit anyhow, reading- and don my work uniform. I am about to go and join the ranks of the proletarian dictatorship. Somehow I will preserve my individuality. My life is my own.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Bright lights, big city

How strange to live in a place where
Upon observing from my window a bright orb
I thought, "What a powerful security light that is,
And how paranoid my neighbor must be,"
Only to realize,
What I saw was the moon.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Anticlimactic Case of a Serial Robber

After over a year of working at my little North Philadelphia Subway, the inevidable took place, in a most dissappointing way. Someone finally tried to rob us.
A man came in and waited in line holding a bag of chips for about 10 minutes. Lacey finally noticed him and asked if all he wanted was the chips. He said yes, so she asked Shahidah to go and ring him up. When they got to the register, he told Shahida that he had a gun in his pocket and to be quite and not make a scene, but give him all of the money from the drawer. Shahidah being the crazy bitch she is, loudly said no and told him to get out. They argued for a little bit, but people began to notice what was happening and the fool just left (he even left the chips and said, "You can keep these.") How generous of him.
As if that wasn't ghetto enough, he went down the street and tried the same stunt at 7-11 and Hollywood Shoes. The latter of which was where police caught up with him and arrested him. As my friend Sean observed, he must have been thinking of the adage, "If at first you don't succeeed, try try again." He seemed to have misinterpreted "succeed."